so

You know what's great about (fiction) writing?

Sometimes you write upwards of a page, two pages, five pages (in tiny font! single spaced!) of a chapter of something (currently about 85-90 such pages long), and you get the feeling as you're writing it that it's OK, at times almost good, but not great. But you're kind of interested to see where it goes, so you keep writing.

You do this for awhile, and then you set it aside and go about your life. You're not agitated or distressed, but still the story, and its presently quite uneasy ending, are in the back of your mind.

Eventually you pick it up, reread (as you always do when you start writing after a formidable absence), and again get the feeling that the most recent passage just isn't quite good enough.

You pinpoint the point at which it went wrong. It's very early in the five or so pages of the "new" passage; when you take out the unsatisfactory parts, it's almost like you wrote nothing new at all.

But you delete those parts and don't save them. You know they don't belong.

And oddly enough, you don't feel like you've lost anything. You haven't written the correct parts yet, haven't actually sat down and unraveled the story as it's actually meant to be. But it's fine. You know you will do this eventually.

And the creation and deletion of those several hundred lines are a gift, more than anything. You think this is strange because in other industries and endeavors, you would regard them as an annoyance. But they're not.

Because it's not a zero sum game. You'll win no matter what you do, with this writing thing. It's just that perfect, maddening, beautiful, wayward and unreal.

Ok, so I figured I should balance out that last video of stupidity with this one of awesomeness:

12-Year Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams

12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams

Tag line: "Scouts say blondes at highest risks, may need multiple checkups"

I love the onion....

Spot-on article about a reality-obsessed media and the "sanctity of marriage."

Jon and Kate Plus Prop 8 Hate

Choice quote:
Thus I suspect our protest against same-sex marriage in California has less to do with valuing the sanctity of families like Jon and Kate, but has more to do with our own levels of homophobia and hate.

OK, so I bit when Ashley posted this in her journal, so I guess I should go ahead and post it in mine (and to her: I'm so sorry I gave you such a hard one - but according to the "terms below," you could have "freely made it up?" Though I do appreciate your historicalicity, and I'm sure it will be French/Germanly great...)

The first TEN people to comment in this post [though I doubt there will be that many - prove me wrong, people] get to request a drabble(Short little plotless interaction so to speak) of any pairing/character of their choosing from me. In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability level. If you absolutely can't write, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to offer drawings or icons or something instead.

Why not? It seems like good times. Any pairing/character, though if you ask me something I don't know, I will freely make it up.

Will be in play format. I promise at least one pun per scene unless you specify otherwise. Regardless of characters/situation.

I got new glasses and they're great. Negative complaints. Reading is actually fun again, wow.

And I even got to go into the optometrist and wear this funky thing that looked like it was out of a sci-fi movie to "try them on" (as I didn't want to use the frames from my old glasses to get the new ones made and have them not work). It was great. A little hard to distinguish between what was making me feel woozy, the literally like 1 1/2 lb contraption on my head and the new prescription (or the weird glances from browsing customers), but it all worked out in the end, and I felt only 25% woozy on the way home.

Said wooziness is gone now, and I can read again. Yayy.

As mad as I have been at that cat for the past few years, I am really sorry to tell you that Ashes died this morning. I'm not sure what was going on--Kevin [my brother], you know she looked her usual devilish self Saturday evening. I had noticed she wasn't eating for a few days, and then Sunday, she was very listless, and her belly looked pretty distended. I couldn't find her this morning, and finally found her in the basement. She had a really weak meow, and couldn't get up. We brought her upstairs and put her in a box with a towel, and petted her. She had a few weak meows, and then died within about a half an hour. I was in the process of trying to see if Paula could drive me to the vet, so everything happened pretty quickly. So, we will all miss her and her evil cat ways.
By the way, David [other brother] is thinking about volunteering at Faithful Friends (a no kill shelter in Wilmington). I think he already has thoughts on getting another feline someday. Of course, Dad is protesting. My only comment is "I've always had a cat......" We will see.....And then, of course, there is the whole issue of a second dog someday, too. [Haha. This is totally going to happen, and my dad is going to have NO say in it.]
We will bury her in the back yard next to Cheyenne [the dog that died this past fall], so she can continue to torment her in the animal after-life.
Love, MOM

Owww. Serious eye strain right when you're trying to muddle through finals is a BAD thing. I have three papers to go, not to mention interminable grading and who knows what else. This is NOT cool.

Can I have my left eye back? Please?

What are you supposed to do in situations like this, anyway?

Signing off before it gets too blurry.

Damn my eyes hurt. I've been on the computer for like an hour and already have a headache.

Referral-getting process starts tomorrow. This is the worst time for this to happen. I have papers, and finals, damnit.

So I've been trying to read a bunch of articles for a bunch of papers for awhile now, and my eyes hurt... a LOT. I really think my eyes have deteriorated significantly over the past couple of years... or at least my left one (the bastard).

Contacts no longer work for me, and even if I wear my glasses almost all the time (which I usually don't), I still get headaches and strain from reading even a moderate amount. Argh. I've been chalking it up to general fatigue, but just realized it's NOT. Also, is it normal for your glasses to make your eye see only about 30% better? Because that's how it's always been for my left eye. Without glasses sucks, but with glasses sucks only moderately less. If I for some reason lost my right eye, I'd be quite royally screwed.

I guess the thing to do would be to get some sort of referral from the primary care doc I don't have and see if I could get a new exam or something or I don't know. They tried to give me a stronger prescription last year, and I got all woozy and couldn't do it. But then the people this year gave me a prescription that was kind of in between. And now I feel like I need the stronger one, or something.

Or could I just have super duper laser surgery to correct it? That would be awesome. My right eye would be so happy.

Bah. I have no time for this right now. Booo, indeed.

Wow. I wish I were Jewish so this would be even funnier.

Moses is Departing Egypt: A Facebook Haggadah

A montage of 5 short videos in which I pay homage to the waterfowl in our lives.

00:00-00:14 - I try, unsuccessfully, to get footage of a duck doing one of its famous "dives." Provi objects that it sounds like I'm saying "die" so I enunciate the "VVVVV."

00:14 - 00:34 - A swan swimming in the water is beautiful, and dubbed "Swannity Swan."

00:34 - 1:12 - Nasty Bastard Duck beats up other ducks, and I follow a white goose around as I explain that he's just a duck who does his own thing, except he's a goose.

1:12 - 1:45 - The white goose of awesomeness hisses at Provi and she thinks he's attacking her and I explain he's just expressing himself.

1:45 - 2:16 - A gaggle of geese descends from the sky. "All good things come from Canada." But they don't want to hang out with the cool kids at the front of the pond.

2:16 - 3:49 - Swannity Swan comes knocking at the door where the caretakers live, and a lovely lady comes out and STROKES HER AND FEEDS HER AND IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING EVER. Then she (Sw. Sw.) begins chomping on lettuce and is slightly less graceful, but still beautiful.

3:49 - A gaggle of geese of awesomeness, whom Provi dubs "the street gang," figure out that food is being distributed and show up to demand their cut of the pie. I make an awful pun about lettuce, and the swan walks away.

So I left my headlights on last night, but my car still started this morning. What does this mean in terms of what I should do now?

Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport


Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport

So I went and stared at some ducks today. It was great. Ducks are amazing. Whether they're walking or swimming or flying. They just make me so happy. Geese are nasty bastards, seagulls are noisy and ugly, but ducks are just perfect and always will be. The way they stand; the way they waddle; the way they swim; the way they nip each other and dive for things in the water and shake off their little tails when they get out and the way they quack. When I die, I want to be scattered among the ducks. They'll probably think I'm food, but that's OK.

I need to spend some more time with those ducks. The pond and sunlight and general tranquility of it all don't hurt, either.

EXTREME SHEEPHERDING

God I love writing. Writing is better that friendship, better than awards, better than money, better than falling in love, better than sex. No one tells me to do it, no one checks if I have done it, no one offers me the prospect of any reward for having done it.

But I still do it. Because it feels so so fucking awesome.

And while it “takes away” “time” from my studies, in a sense, it also REJUVENATES me in a way nothing nothing nothing I have been trying these past few months or years has come even remotely close to doing. All of the characters and situations and ideas stay in my head even long after I've put down the pen (where “pen” equals “laptop keyboard”) -- and they give me energy and peace and calm and happy happy new ideas and insights and friends for many hours and days to come.

Why has it taken me so long to rediscover this!! This is what I used to do from the time I was a small child; this is what I was born to do; it feels so so so so so good!!!

Monsterpiece Theater: "The Taming of the Shoe"



Other favorites: 1 Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest; The 39 Stairs

Did anyone see the Bristol Palin interview? I thought it was pretty good - halting, but good - until the pit bull came on at the end - C R E E P Y!!!!

God... I totally just re-sprained my wrist orgasming on stage for the Vagina Monologues... not many people can say that, but still...

Every now and then, a “clean out your fridge” recipe actually turns out GOOD. This is such a one.

INGREDIENTS
Week old somewhat wilted half a head of broccoli
Week old somewhat wilted half an onion
Half the rest of the block of a large piece of extra sharp cheddar cheese
Half a box of ziti
The rest of the carton of soy milk
Salt and pepper and garlic to taste

PROCEDURE
Cook the ziti in a pot.
Chop and steam the broccoli in the microwave.
Chop the onion.
Chop/shred the cheese.
When the ziti is done, drain it. Then add broccoli, onion, cheese, soy milk. Cook on low heat until the soy milk is mostly dissolved/evaporated and it tastes good. Season. Marvel at the creaminess, pleasing taste, and interesting texture. Enjoy.